Contour At The Movies

Overall Impression — I don’t know what they were smoking, but I want some.

THE FOUR QUESTIONS 

Who’s the main character? — Jack Sparrow, but only by default.   At various times Will drives the story, Elizabeth drives the story, Barbossa drives the story, there’s probably some sub-plot I missed where the third pirate from the left was driving the story.  It comes down to Jack as the main character because of my oft-stated principle that the climactic battle of any (good) story is always the good guy versus the bad guy over the stakes.  At the end of PIRATES 3 Jack was fighting Davy Jones over Will (kinda) so there you have it. 

What’s he trying to accomplish? –  Damned if I know.  Something about wanting to be a pirate indefinitely. 

Who’s trying to stop him? – The main villain is Lord Beckett. 

What happens if he fails? – Damned it I know.  I guess he dies, or doesn’t get to be a pirate anymore.

THE FOUR ARCHETYPES

Orphan — Jack is alone in Davy Jones locker and needs rescuing.  That being said, he’s not really alone because there are all these alternate Jacks with him.  And if this makes no sense to you then take a number, me hearty! 

Wanderer – Jack is rescued from Davy Jones locker by Will, Elizabeth and company.  They then have to figure out how to get back to the world of the living and make it to Shipwreck Island for a gathering of the pirate brethren.

Warrior –  Damned if I know.  The pirates decide to fight?  Jack decides to do something.  Sure, I watched this while suffering from a nasty head cold, but I couldn’t have been that foggy…could I? 

Martyr –  Jack gives up his goal of living forever at sea by enabling Will to stab Davy Jones’s heart.  

AND, IN THE END

This movie was too clever by half.  After an amazing debut in PIRATES 1, the franchise started substituting incongruous imagination for compelling story, bringing us PIRATES 2 and now PIRATES 3.  This not an uncommon problem with the Hollywood blockbuster sequel;  the need to outdo the original.  Sadly, this outdoing often makes the story come undone.  Ah, but that’s the real curse of the Black Pearl, isn’t it?

 Overall Impression — A confused movie that delivers more sizzle than steak.

 THE FOUR QUESTIONS

Who’s the main character? — Giselle.

What’s she trying to accomplish? —  Sort of return to Andalusia (her fairy tale realm) but she doesn’t actively try to do that much after a few first efforts.  Her main drive is to wait for her prince to save her.  This is the first problem the film encounters,  though it’s glossed over with plenty of goofy charm.  Her final drive is to find her “true love’s kiss.”

Who’s trying to stop her? – Another problem or two; the evil queen/wicked stepmother (the prince’s not hers) wants to stop him from marrying Giselle, hence the toss down the well. After Giselle gets to New York, she falls in love with a New Yorker named Robert, which the evil queen sees through various liquids (don’t ask.) Seeing that Giselle is losing interest in her stepson, you would think that this would be enough for the queen, but NOOOOOOOO! She decides that Giselle needs to be killed as well. The bulk of the queen’s opposition to Giselle’s plan, such as it is, is to send an evil henchman after Giselle to poison her.

What happens if she fails? – Well, the drive to either get back to Andalusia or wait for the Prince to come (or even fall in love with Robert) gets usurped by the attempts on Giselle’s life. Only, Giselle doesn’t know she’s a target. So the audience knows that she might die, however she doesn’t, so as she’s not trying to do anything active, she’s got nothing to fail at while simultaneously being in mortal peril.  

Now, one could flip all of this around and make Robert the main character I suppose.   He’s trying to figure out what to do with Giselle, then he starts falling in love with her, and if he fails she ends up with the insufferably self-absorbed prince.  Or dead, only Robert doesn’t know that Giselle is being targeted either.    And seeing as the final battle is Giselle versus the Queen over Robert (Good Guy vs Bad Guy over Stakes) we’re back to Giselle being the main character.  

I told you it was a confused movie.

THE FOUR ARCHETYPES

Orphan – Giselle is literally an orphan, who gets thrown down a well and pops out in New York where she knows nothing and no one.

Wanderer – Giselle tries to figure out where she is and what’s happened to her. She eventually ends up being taken in by Robert and his daughter. Now he tries to figure out who she is and what’s happened to her. Eventually he believes that she’s a real fairy tale princess (I think, but maybe I imagined this moment). 

Warrior – Next problem; Giselle doesn’t really fight to achieve a goal. There are people fighting on her behalf, but not our main character.

Martyr – Giselle gives up her prince in favor of Robert, and then is willing to fight the evil queen (who’s come to New York to poison Giselle personally) in order to save Robert. 

 AND, IN THE END…

This is a movie which is so innocuous that beating up on its structural indiscretions is like kicking a puppy. The fact that the story is a mess hasn’t stopped it from being #1 at the box office two weeks running as of the time of this writing. It does enough things right that one is almost able to forgive it for all the things it does wrong. Almost. But success is the best revenge, and ENCHANTED is thumbing its nose at good storytelling all the way to the bank.

I think the high concept of the movie is the real hero here, so let this be a lesson for all of us. A good concept is worth its weight in glass slippers.